Differences..


1. NAMES:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw
in a $20,even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually
admit they want the change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
sale.
4. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


6. CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
cats.
7. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


8. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the
mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. FINAL THOUGHT:
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Jesus' Dad's Name
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.

***********
KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old, Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in
heaven, Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.
They were ready to discuss the last one
The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,
"Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor 's wife."
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After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a
Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer
for several evenings at bedtime,
she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated
each word right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us some E-mail.
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One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
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A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are
sleeping."
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Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
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A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
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A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"